hey there,
we're in the second phase of MCO and I completely lost track of how many days have passed.
truth be told, I'm starting to not feel like my usual self. it's like I'm physically here but not mentally or spiritually here. Being away from my family does make things worse. I never thought I would miss them this much. gosh, there are nights when I cry myself to sleep cause I miss them so so much but there's nothing much I can do since our movement is restricted during MCO. I just wanna go back to my hometown.
Living with my uncle's family can be quite exhausting sometimes. there's nothing wrong with them. it's me. IDK about you guys out there, but being an introvert, I tend to be reserved when being around people that I'm not comfortable with. They have been treating me well, I had enough meal and shelter and all the basic needs one needs to survive MCO. But I couldn't help but feel like an outsider. Cause I'm basically menumpang. I just missed being around my family. it takes a lot for me to drag myself out of bed every single time. I need to maintain a version of myself when being around them. yup. it's not like I'm pretending or what, it's just that there's multiple version of myself when being around every type of people.
I don't know how long I could keep up with this. The possibility of MCO being extended is high. I would probably spend my Ramadan and Raya away from my family. Maan, that sucks so bad realizing that your hometown is only three hours' drive. But it is legally forbidden for you to move around from one place to the other. Koyak. Yup. I'm really struggling here.
I've been face-timing my family like A LOT during MCO but tell ya what, nothing beats face to face communication. I just missed being around them. having my mom dish, bickering with my brothers not to forget the usual convo with my dad. who would've thought that in 2020 our so-called 'freedom" would be taken away from us?
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