Saturday, 30 September 2017

Random af

when i've decided on pursuing my plan. the universe has it's own plan. i have THE most random encounter ever today. random af wehhh. freaking random and unexpected. 

earlier today i went to my mom's friend kenduri. we were neighbours back in the day when i lived in jengka. on the way home, while i was in the car, i saw a familiar face. super damn familiar. at first it seemed weird to see him around. i was like, "ehh ye ke?" "ke salah orang?" so when we came across each other, i just stared at him blankly sebab pelik gila. nak tegur kang takut tersalah orang. i end up dm-ing him, to confirm if it was really him. heheh. turns out memang pun! lol. what a small small world. 


...just when i made up my mind to be completely done with him, ada je muncul. what even...? what conspiracy is this?? please lahhh. 

okay zaf, i bet this is just some random encounter. nothing more than that. the universe works in a mysterious way. super duper mysterious. you don't need to figure it all out. kau chill je and let the universe does it's work. 

till then. 


Thursday, 28 September 2017

It will fade away

Oh Lord, 
when will it end? 

each and every effort that i've made is a total failure. when this semester starts i've decided that i'll do my best to distance myself from him and distract myself with other things. tapi first day lagi aku macam tercari-cari someone. kegilaan apakah ini?? it felt weird when i didn't see him around the faculty. second day pun sama. rasa incomplete wehh, it's like i need to see him in person. idk what's the purpose pun. 

so on the third day, when i was hanging out in the computer lab suddenly i heard a familiar voice. i instantly froze. serious... oh my god. karut kan?! so i tried to acah-acah busy hadap pc, tengok video. wehh padahal masa tu dupdapdupdap. kahkah. sumpah mengarut. lepas tu dia tegur and ask about my internship bagai. aku pulak jawab sepatah sepatah. and he keeps on referring about my past research project and it's potential for further studies. haha. it's not that i don't want to. but having to go through the intense process again is just terrifying. separuh nyawa wehh nak siapkan benda alah tu. menangis day and night sebab tak siap. and then, me having feelings for him will make things more complicated. yup. and it affects my performance

After many many considerations, the best way for me to resolve this nonsense is to act normal.  avoid any one on one meting with him. perhaps i should distance myself. lama- lama nanti it will all fade away lah. yup i'm sure about that. common zaf, if you can get over your long time crush yang kali ni mesti boleh punyaa. 

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Random rambling

i've been meaning to share about this for quite sometime...

how can one avoid themselves from liking someone?? is that even possible? how can one ignore or neutralize this damn feeling? 

lately, i've been falling for this one person. hard. it happened for quite sometime now. at first, i thought that this would definitely be a temporary feeling. that it will all be over when we ended our official matters. but it did not. since then, things have been going... hmmm how do i describe it..? things have been going okay. i did try to distance myself si this sort of thing/feeling. but it failed miserably. 

we did keep tab on each other occasionally though both of us are busy with our own duties. i really want to avoid myself from getting into what ever this is. this feeling have been haunting me night and day. Dear Lord, please make it stop. i don't know what else i should do in order to distract or distance myself from him.  

i've been asking myself many many time lately, what am i getting myself into? why is he being so damn nice and friendly? gosh this is so eff up for a hopeless romantic person like me. it is confusing cause i'm not used to this kind of interaction. how would you feel if there's this one person who seems to go out of his way to help you? all the little and not so little things that he did means a lot to me. i trully appreciate it wehh.

my past so called 'experience' with guys have not been promising. semuanya karut-karut. i was young and foolish at that time. now, i don't want to waste my time on benda entah apa-apa. hahaha

i hope that i would be able to contain my feelings or reaction. cause if he did find out, omg, i nak lari dari Malaya!! i seem to act all weird and awkward when he's around and that is not okay. wehh, i totally forgot how to act normal.

when i met him yesterday at an event, jadi tak tahu nak borak apa. -_____-  padahal we used to be chatty before. sekarang krik-krik. i better get myself out of this freaking mess before this started to become whatever it is.


Tuesday, 4 July 2017

The silver lining

"every cloud has a silver lining"

i don't even know where to start...


there were times when i felt like i made the wrong choice. 

but alhamdulillah, eventually it turns out to be the best decision that i've ever made. speaking about that, it's not always rainbows and butterflies pun, ada time macam 'off', rasa macam akward and tak kena je tapi, ada time rasa menyesal sebab buat decision tu. but at the end of the day, i can finally see the silver lining behind all of this. 

and rasa macam wow, you've definitely made the right decision back then. have you guys ever felt like your world is crumbling down, tearing apart apa semua? i was in that state for the past two weeks. it's like, you've done your best, but still feeling not good enough. rasa teruk gila... but at the end of the day, there's a silver lining or 'hikmah' behind all of this. i was a shallow minded person back then. when i do certain things or get involved in certain activities i often don't really contemplate about it. 

but as the time goes by, i started to see things in different perspectives. perhaps it's part of  adult-ing process kut..? ecececeh. and that's how things actually work. i should start embracing all the challenges and problems in a more open manner, avoid overthinking or over assessing those challenges. 

at the end of the day, i should put more trust in god's plan and timing because there's always silver lining behind everything. 

Sunday, 14 May 2017

i'm such a hopeless romantic and pathetic person.

omg, i have already warned you zafirah..! and you already know the consequences. but you still continue doing what you do best which is lurking. haaa padan muka sebab now dah terjumpa perkara yang tak sepatutnya kau tahu. lepas tu you get your feelings hurt. hehehe. lol this is not the first time kan. kau ni kan tak pernah serik involve dengan kerja karut ni. it's just that, how many times do i have to fall for the wrong one until i met the right one..? bosan lah kalau macam ni

there's clearly nothing more between us. lol but why am i being so hopeful. sudahlah jadi hopeless romantic zafirah. you live in harsh cruel reality where there's no place for hopeless romantic like you. just move on with your life. 

*plays all by myself*

Friday, 12 May 2017




felt like i was in cloud 9 after our last meeting.

omg zafirah...

please i beg you to get a good grip on yourself. entahlah. this sort of feeling is total nonsense. i never sign up for this but it happened. entahlah. macam mana and bila boleh terjebak. i tried my best to act nonchalant cause it will be sooo embarrassing kalau kantoi! hahahah

tbh i clearly don't have time to deal with this kind of feel. sebabnya ending selalu mengecewakan. lol. but the thing is, nak deny or avoid pun takde function cause it's there. dah banyak kali cuba buat but tak berjaya. gahhhhh, i'm such a hopeless romantic. pleasee lahh i beg you to put aside all this feeling cause it sure will distract you. you need to focus on what's important!

hmmmm, entahlah i don't know how did i manage to fall for him. it comes naturally and effortlessly. sumpah i rasa hopeless gila. nak kata i dapat special treatment ke apa rasanya takpun. but everytime i see him, i felt there's so many things left unsaid. tapi takkan lah i nak confess my feelings. dasyat sangat tu! memang cari pasal lah! mengarutnya. haha.

tapi dari dulu lagi memang karut je semua ni. i will eventually move on. cuma either move on phase tu cepat or lambat je la. hahah. even crush zaman sekolah dulu pun take time nak move on. i bet after all of this end, i can happily continue with my normal life.

sudahlah lah tu zafirah, pergi sambung settlekan kerja


Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Another milestone reached

hello people!!

last few months have been crazy. hahaha. 

i got an amazing news to share in this space!!

guys and girls, 

i've survived viva for my final year research project!!

yesterday was The Day! which is kind of a big deal to me. my past experience with these sorts of things hasn't been very pleasant i tell ya. based on what happened yesterday i'm so relieved that i did quite okay. it's not a really huge success but still i felt like i'm at the top of mount kilimanjaro! lol. 

only God knows how much this means to me. 

there's still a lot of corrections and touch ups that needs to be done. but that's part of the learning process i guess. and i'm totally cool with it. 


what else...

i'm eternally grateful for those who always been there supporting me at my highest high and lowest low. i'm soo blessed to have such an amazing support system. god, i love all of you!!! 

tu je kot. 


Saturday, 25 March 2017

wake up!


i've been sleeping a lot lately. A LOT. and the sad thing is, no matter how long i get my sleep i'll still end up feeling like crap. what is wrong with me? have i been affected with any type of adverse disease? 

 what else yeaaaa... okay

a short update on my final year project (fyp), i've been avoiding myself from writing or planning it for the past two/three weeks.yep. it's kinda frustrating and worrying at the same time. this act will be the death of me when week 10 arrives-whereby i'll be having my viva presentation. the thing about fyp is that it's a physical, emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride filled with ups and downs. there's one week where i'll be "yeah, let's do this shizz" and there's the week where i'm like "nahh, just forget about it".

for heaven's sake zafirah, time is running up!! there's about seven weeks left for you to finish what you've started. you have to effing deal with it! you cannot avoid yourself from this. running away from fyp is not going to solve the problem. come hell or high water you have to finish it. just fcking do it. i know it's challenging every core of your existence. but you have get through this. you've been faced with numerous challenges before and you somehow manage to survive. so this time, it will be the same. for once, please, i begging you to not be a cry baby. haha. girl, be strong!

Friday, 3 March 2017

Life confession

new year does fly by 

we're in the third month of 2017 already

and i haven't had the chance to update anything in this space. 

*blows off dust*

last semester have been a wild ride.

my final year project research is still ongoing, 

challenging me to the core of my existence. truly. 

and i gotta admit that i'm struggling in trying to get a good grip on it 

been having my occasional breakdown more frequent

my despicable doubt is eating me alive 

but thank God for each and everyone who always been there when i need them the most 

constantly encouraging, supporting me when i am at my lowest low

and i am eternally grateful for that. 

only God knows how much it means to me

you guys are the reason as to why i keep on going 

indeed this is random post

but i bet it's good to write a thing or two about my recent state of life