Sunday, 29 March 2015

Song of The Week : The Story of Us

 here it goes, the very first song of the week in march. it's my all time favourite tswift song since i could always relate this to my sad, hopeless, helpless love life. 

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say, "They're the lucky ones."
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.

Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wish you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Next chapter.

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.

Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

The end.

he's just not that into you

girl, you knew what you're getting yourself into.

i have warned you many many times before. it's not going to be easy. it was never easy. you've been in this situation a few while back. you do know the damage it brings you, why did you let yourself  be fooled with such gesture. when things didn't go according to what you hoped for, you were devastated. again. i can go on and tell myself that i'm okay, i'm not affected with it. but yeah, it's bullshit. a  part of me just died inside upon realizing the cold hard truth. 

moving on is hard, but come hell and high water i'm gonna get through this shit like i did before. i'm gonna get through this. i will try my best to distract myself from thinking about it. maaaan, it does take a hell of an effort. pray hard that you'll survive this zafirah because if not aku pun tak tahu nak buat macam mana. need i remind you that you barely even knew him girl! it was just a few days spent under a certain condition. that's it. nothing more or less. so get a grip on yourself, do not get deluded with any fantasies or what so ever because this is not a cinderella story. you cannot meet prince charming in a forest. ahahahahahhahhaha. 

another thing is, i do feel guilty for my sudden change of attitude towards some people. i never meant for it to happened but hey they've crossed the line. i have had enough. i'm not as plain and innocent as they think i am. so yeah. sorry not sorry  for shutting some of you out my life. 

Friday, 13 March 2015

The Endgame

hello there!!

for the past few weeks i've been living in the dark cloud of nothingness and uncertainty. yeah. i'm soo effin lost. i don't know what to do with my life. i am the type of person who gets easily overwhelmed and underwhelmed by small matters. pastu asyik terkenang nasib diri yang ... entah. i repeatedly ask myself this two questions over and over again in hope to find a way out of this dark cloud. 

"what do you want?"

"what is your endgame?"

*acah macam olivia pope pulak kau. 

after days of having all these deep convos with me self i'm glad to say now i'm in a good condition. i've sorted out my thoughts and manage to come out with a list. here it goes, my delayed 2015 endgame

1. Practice self love. though it might sound a bit selfish, i do believe that in order for us to love others, we must love ourselves first.

2. Establish a better relationship with my family and friends. sometimes i may come out as a very awkward person in front of you people. especially if i haven't seen them for quite some time.  i'll try my best to act accordingly when i met you people. gosh, i do value each and every single one of you you you you you you you you you you and yeah you, at the back!

3. Travel more.
i already made a few plans for the upcoming months. i'll start small. dapat explore dekat dekat pun jadilah.

4. Buy a cheeky camera.
ok. ni sebenarnya hajat sejak dari bangku sekolah lagi. tapi dulu  ingatkan minat ni macam hangat tahi ayam je, jadi lupakan la. but this so called passion ain't going anywhere. i'm eyeing on a few camera models right now. it's time to invest. and we'll see how things go from here. fyi, aku dah siap pikir nickname for my future camera. ahahah

sooooooo, that's all. i leave you with this:

"if you don't stand for something you will fall for everything"

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Back to school!

the 2014 SPM result was announced recently. how's your result my lovely juniors? so far so good i hope. kudos to all, tak kisah lah korang dapat berapa a sekali pun sebab you've made it. zaman sekolah korang dah habis!!! yeayyy (?) i'd be lying if i say i didn't miss the school. tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang, inikan pulak tempat usha crush zaman dedulu. ok. that was ridiculous. hehe. 

so during the semester break, my batch held this so called simple get together event at the school.  i didn't plan on going at first, tapi sebab rindu yang agak menggunung kat my schoolmates, aku pun pergi. at first, i was like "omg this is happening" sebab time tu aku pergi sesorang je. my other troops couldn't make it. gabra jugakla time mula mula sampai. but yeah, nama pun jumpa dengan schoolmates kan, they were like your brothers and sisters for the past five years so everything went rather normal. terus je mingle though time sekolah dulu takde lah baik mana pun. it was so so soo great catching up with everyone, the boys makin kacak semuanya and the girls memang drop dead gorgeous. 

pagi tu, ada some sort of bengkel with these PT3 students dekat bangunan LK. mak aih zaman aku dulu takde pun aircond bagai. sekarang.... canggih ek. we were required to guide them in answering form 2 mathematical questions. lol. gelabah jugak la aku sebab well, maths is my undoing. dulu kini dan selamanya. even dulu time form 2 pun fail je. ahahaha. risau gak nak ajar anak orang sebab takut terbagi ajaran sesat. so so glad that everything went quite okay.

tengahari after lunch, kitorang melepak kat aspuri. aku masuk aspuri after orang azan zohor. sekarang the rules require everyone to solat berjemaah lima waktu kat musolla. and yeah, the excos and baiah ganas ahh jugak panggil orang turun solat dengan tekan loceng bagai. fierce bakhang i tell ya!! maaaaaan, that loceng is soooo damn loud and annoying. entah macam mana aku dulu hidup lima tahun dengan benda alah tu. terkujat jantung time mula mula dengar. almaklomlaa dah nak masuk tiga tahun tinggalkan strict sbp hostel life. while waiting for the next activity to start, aku and 4 5 orang lagi ni pusing bandar pekan. yeah, 5 tahun outing kat situuuuu. 

this is the pekan riverfront. there's nothing much here. tapi best la jugak kut nak melepak, minum cendol sebab kat sini angin dia memang sepoi sepoi bahasa. lepas tu kitorang pusing bandar pekan. well, tbh agak lifeless and hambar outing kat situ tapi dedulu boleh tahan syok jugak kan kau soping zaf.

ni kat taman katak. idk the origin of this name. but according to the seniors, kalau tengok dari atas taman ni bentuk dia macam katak. iya lah sangat. btw can you guys spot the small mural kat sebelah kanan tu?? well i freaking painted it with my classmate time lepas habis PMR. omg, after all these years ada lagi hasil karya akuuuuu. fyi, kelas dulu aku kat tingkat atas tu. 

 maaann, i effing miss this place!!

petang tu we had a netball friendly game with the form 5. and yeah of course la the juniors ni lagi fit. ahaha. just so you know, aku jadi penyokong tegar je kat tepi padang cause that's what i do best dari dulu sampai sekarang. dah lah tak reti main, pastu senak perut gelakkan the rest yang tengah main bagai nak gila. heheh

this is yana (the one in the purple shirt) . we lived in the same dorm for three years!! even patah kaki sekali pun, gigih akak ni datang. 

post match group photo!!

manager berjaya team eximius, nabila huda chuolls..

that night, we had a dinner with the boys kat luar. and aku kena balik awal soooo tak dapat lah nak join dem guys bergambar kat bas legend ni. It was great spending time with these people, satu hari gelak mengenangkan zaman sekolah dulu. How each and everyone of us being despicable. Pastu dulu kalau time KOT(kejohanan olahraga tahunan) semangat rumah yang bukan main lagi kau. Plan strategi macam nak pergi battlefield. Function junior yang tak contribute points bagai padahal kitorang pun 2×5. Ahahaha. But sadly, all good things must come to an end kan? Enjoy your days in school kids. You'll terribly miss it.

Monday, 2 March 2015


hey there we're in the month of march now. how time flies.

there's nothing much to update here but i'm still going to proceed. for a start i am currently in my second semester. varsity life has been okay. idk what has got into me but lately i'm not in the mood to do anything. need to find my muse asap or else i'll be doomed.

ohoiiii mambang produktif, ke mari lah kamuuuuu!!