Sorry for the long absence. I got caught up with eid preparation and celebration for the past few weeks. I just wanted to share about my recent taught on graduating and whats to come after that. As I've mentioned earlier in this blog, I completed my bachelor's degree last January. With much disgrace, I am still unemployed and living with my parents. this week has been tough, I cried myself to sleep for several nights already. in fact, my eyes are quite teary while I was writing this post.
UM has officially released the details for the upcoming graduation ceremony which will be held in October. You know what, I should feel excited and honored that I got the chance to study and graduate at one of Malaysia most prestigious university. but apparently, I'm not. Yup. I'm not looking forward to meeting all the familiar people I know in UM. This includes my coursemates, friends and former lecturers. For a start, there's nothing to be proud of when I still haven't secured a job and kickstart my career. I have to admit that I feel like a walking failure right now. Most of my friends have settled into working life and gaining all sorts of professional experience. I feel inferior to others though I have warned myself not to be bothered by other people.
Battling with my inner demons is always challenging. Sometimes I can ignore and shake it off but not this time. It has successfully consumed me altogether with my confidence and capabilities. I overthink too much and started doubting on myself, it comes to a point where I don't feel worthy of the job I wanted to apply. I often questioned my own ability and whether I can carry out the task given. The current job market can be likened to the survival of the fittest. It is a very competitive situation out there and I don't know if I am fit enough to survive, or I'll be 'dead'.
I do realize that I should give it a try and start applying for a job more seriously. cause they say, you never know if you didn't try. the whole taught of it overwhelms me and make me anxious. but I can't stay forever in my comfort zone. so what can be done hmm? Maybe I have to put in more faith in myself and force my ass off to work. and also not to be picky in choosing the job. cause girl, you gotta earn money and provide for yourself. If this doesn't motivate me, I don't know what else can.
While everyone is excited about making plans for the graduation ceremony, here I am feeling like there's nothing much to be celebrated. I graduated with a first class degree but still very much feel unaccomplished. I couldn't help thinking that I may have let my parents down tho they never say it out loud :'(. There's too much hope and expectation being a firstborn and I couldn't keep up with all that. I need to resolve this mess and move forward with my life. Just ignore about other people judgement and opinion on yourself. Bear in mind that each of us has our own timeline destined by God. Just put in out maximum effort and insyaAllah things will finally work out sooner or later. at the end of the day, we are given what we need not what we want
Battling with my inner demons is always challenging. Sometimes I can ignore and shake it off but not this time. It has successfully consumed me altogether with my confidence and capabilities. I overthink too much and started doubting on myself, it comes to a point where I don't feel worthy of the job I wanted to apply. I often questioned my own ability and whether I can carry out the task given. The current job market can be likened to the survival of the fittest. It is a very competitive situation out there and I don't know if I am fit enough to survive, or I'll be 'dead'.
I do realize that I should give it a try and start applying for a job more seriously. cause they say, you never know if you didn't try. the whole taught of it overwhelms me and make me anxious. but I can't stay forever in my comfort zone. so what can be done hmm? Maybe I have to put in more faith in myself and force my ass off to work. and also not to be picky in choosing the job. cause girl, you gotta earn money and provide for yourself. If this doesn't motivate me, I don't know what else can.
While everyone is excited about making plans for the graduation ceremony, here I am feeling like there's nothing much to be celebrated. I graduated with a first class degree but still very much feel unaccomplished. I couldn't help thinking that I may have let my parents down tho they never say it out loud :'(. There's too much hope and expectation being a firstborn and I couldn't keep up with all that. I need to resolve this mess and move forward with my life. Just ignore about other people judgement and opinion on yourself. Bear in mind that each of us has our own timeline destined by God. Just put in out maximum effort and insyaAllah things will finally work out sooner or later. at the end of the day, we are given what we need not what we want
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